February 2012
I am now imagining this exchange in a future...
Abed: Oh, everyone needs to be extra careful this week.
Jeff: Why's that?
Abed: It's Sweeps Week. High-rating shows always have some big mind-blowing event in Sweeps Week to get ratings. Someone dies, or there's a natural disaster.
Jeff: Abed, for the last time, this is not one of those shows!
Abed: No, you're probably right. Some shows just have some big Oscar-winning actor make an appearance.
Jeff: This is Greendale. I doubt there's an Oscar-winning actor in the entire state, let alone one about to walk through the study room door.
Dean Pelton: *walks through the study room door* Hel-looooooo!
a helpful thing for those whose epilepsy may be... →
heronqueenblues:
hey here’s the biggest clue that the “Mayan Doomsday Prophecy” is bullshit:
everyone who believes in it is white.
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Stranger: So you're going to tell me what happened right?
You: ugh ok but it's a long story and probably isn't that funny if you don't see it but i'll try
You: ok yeah my friend was saying he's king of bees
Stranger: Good start
You: and he's gonna get a big box one day and take it to a club
You: and not tell anyone what's in it
You: and he'll get a few drinks n shit
You: and then take it on the dancefloor after a couple hours
You: and some girls'll walk up like "hey what's in the box"
You: and he'll be like
You: BAM
You: -throws it on the floor-
You: BEEEEEEESSSS -lord of the bees dance-
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Nelly restocks his Band-Aids
rapindustryfanfiction:
Nelly stood in the first aid aisle of the CVS, holding two boxes of bandages. One was Band-Aid, and the other was the knockoff CVS brand. He held one in each hand, looking back and forth at the boxes.
He knew for sure that the Band-Aids were high quality, but they were expensive. He had four dollars in his wallet, and the Band-Aids were $3.99. The CVS brand seemed okay,...
ewrecktion:
“Hello Lifealert”
“Hello Stella, are you okay?”
“… is your refrigerator running?”
“Stella, we’re all getting a little tired of your bullshit”
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nemi212 replied to your photo: HAH
AHHHH SHES SO CUTE AND TINY AND KITTEN LIKE AKSJNDJASKDNs
Yeah her mother never fed her, so I think her growth was messed up or something, and because she was fed by humans she’s tiny and loves people
Like when people come to my house she’ll just sniff them, jump in their lap and purr
She’s the best cat ever I had to kick her out of my room...
Yeah if you liked my post about a cup of tea before, you’re ghostnoting
Unless you’re Blainy or Hypodermic-Jack-guywiththecamera
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Most people from the North have this really good thing where whenever you’re not happy you can just make a strong cup of tea and depending on the situation, some chocolate digestives
And you’re fine
In 2009 I figured out roughly how many times I’d wanked in my whole life
I don’t remember the number though but yeah I just remembered that and chuckled
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fuck, i need to get laid.
When I grow up I’m going to be a normal and simple person with active interests in things like cartoons I used to watch and, I dunno, jackets
And then I’ll be a much easier person to become attracted to because I’ll just be a nice, simple shape and it’ll be much easier to find people that I fit into
But right now I’m a bit of a mess as a person. I’m lazy,...
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When a friend says they were having sex and their partner slipped and headbutted them because they were in a slippery bath
The term ‘buttsex’ is applicable for what happened there right? Headbutt? Buttsex?
The internet is never going to give you the latest Apple product for free.
If you’ve had your account hacked I want you to read that line again, and once more.
And learn your fucking lesson because your account is/has at some point been scamming all of your followers.
I think I'm done blogging with my cat
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This makes Megatron paranoid and she sniffs the...
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mexicancer:
Andrew Jackson Jihad - Candle in the...
rickrossfetishporn:
my name is 14 year old american girl and i know a little something about life, let me tell you
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wefadetogrey:
Sean Paul is an anagram of Pale Anus.
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whatanobber:
cLOUDDEAD - APT A(1) Experimental...
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clownetowne:
Andrew Jackson Jihad - Personal...
jay z has severe amnesia and he goes to the bank
jay looks at the teller
realizes he doesn't remember anything
jay: what's 50 grand to a motherfucker like me?
jay starts to cry
jay: can you please remind me??